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21 Aug 2010

Ref to No. 506 - for you Homer
Homer I am not a whore I have never cheated on my husband in the 15 years we have been married and never wanted to. We have recently moved to a different country, whole new life, friends left behind. I may be needing the interaction from friends that I am not getting so I am finding it another way. That may sound strange to you but if anyone could understand how isolated I feel it would put some perspective into why I am doing what I am doing. And to the other people that commented on my previous post, I DONT WANT A RELATIONSHIP I just want an outlet. So before anyone passes judgement they should be in my shoes. I have been the loving wife, perfect mother and well rounded person for so long I am tired of being this sterotypical person that everyone expects of me. And for the other posters that commented while I appreciate the fact that what I am doing is wrong and I know it and my marriage vows were sacred before God I cant change the way I am feeling. It would be so much easier to just not feel this way
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Expert
Sexologist
Sexologist

01 Jan 0001

Isobel, this is a forum where you seek advice from an 'expert' and others also comment. Sometimes these comments are helpful, sometimes they aren't and you need to not take these things personally (even if they are made out to be personal comments). It sounds like Homer touched a nerve - but that doesn't mean it is true, but it possibly tapped into your own fears based on your discomfort with your own behaviour.

Hearing more of your story, I will say that you are normal and your story matches that of many other people. However, you need to know that the 'outlet' seems harmless but if your husband or children were to discover it they would feel betrayed in some way (I have worked with many couples where this betrayal has been discovered and the pain it causes is very intense with consequences far greater than the betraying party ever imagined and certainly ever intended!). Given the investment you have put into your family, I have no doubt you don't intend to hurt them. Perhaps what you need to do is to challenge the 'stereotypes' that you perceive are expected of you and be your own person in ways other than that which can break down what you love so much.

Claire - SASHA
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