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Question

02 Jun 2011

Relationship
Hi CS

First of all thanks for all the good work you are doing on here!

A while ago I went through a rough patch and didn’ t date anyone for about 3 years. I distanced myself from woman and relationships and decided to focus on myself and try to sort my own life out. I got my life sort of on track and met a girl 7 years younger than me (I am 30 at the moment). I truly fell in love with her because of the person she is. She is a “ true”  person and has a lot of good qualities in her.

I have a few problems though. First of all: although I honestly believe I do love her I am still scared that because I haven’ t dated someone in a while I might feel I love just because she is the first woman in a while I let close to me.

Secondly, she comes from very “ bad”  circumstances. She has been mistreated by various people in her life. She tries to better herself and has a lot of good in her, but I am also scared that I feel sorry for her and want to help and get that confused with love.

Lastly, she had a boyfriend for 4 years prior to me meeting her. They have a child together. I like the child, but I am not 100% sure that I will ever completely accept the fact that she has a child with someone else if the relationship becomes more serious. It just feels to me that I do not want to raise some other guy’ s child one day. How will I ever be able to overlook that? Is there something I can do or is it one of those cases where I’ m either comfortable with it now or I never will be.
Answer 317 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

You say you feel that yopu love her "for the person she is", well, the person she is includes the child, as an inevitable part of who she is. If you choose to stay together, you would be helping to raise HER child, rather than an Alien from some other man
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