Never allow yourself to get into any self-damaging behaviour, especially not without "meaning to or wanting to". You always have a choice, and you can express your sense of anger or hurt in words, raher than deeds, as this is always more useful.
Sounds like you consciously wanted it to end, without blaming anything mysterious lurking in your unconscious.
People often prefer to blame their "unconscious" to avoid taking responsibility for their own actual decisions. After all the years it's been talked about, there is still no expert scientific consensus that the "unconscious" even exists in the way it is talked about