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08 Dec 2005

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM!!!!
Good Afternoon,

Got a bit of a dilema, I have been dating my girlfriend for just over a year now, She is 24 and I am 25.

I love her with my whole heart, body and soul and would do anything for her, For the first couple of months that we where together she lied alot about things, like who she spoke to or sms'd, things that happened to her in her past and so on, This caused me to question her alot (as she puts it) and she said some of the things she lied about where due to me asking her questions and my reactions (I didnt believe what she said and would question her answer or get cross because she was sms'ing a ex boyfriend), We used to fight constantly and broke up for about a week, I think we both realised that we loved each other and got back together, I promised to try stop the so called questions and she promised to stop lying, Six months down the line we are still together and things have got alot better cause I try not to question and she has cut down alot on her lies. We do still fight but not as often as we used to.

The problem now is that I was surfing the net and looking at Thunder.com, a web site of pictures from clubs in and around JHB. She was in quite a few of them with friends and exe's. Some of the pic's she is kissing her friend which is a girl (all in the fun of it). It was done before I even existed to her but she has kissed 5 different girls and kissed one of them in front of me at a club once we had been together for about a month, I told her I didnt really like it as it still constitutes cheating, She said its another girl and its done as a joke with no feeling, To me she is kissing someone else weather its a boy or a girl makes no difference.
Im not to phased with it cause it is a little bit of a turn on but its not something I would want to happen again, As far as I know she hasnt done it again.

Then I came accross some pics of her and her exe's, We looked at them once before together and she showed me who they where and that was that. But today while I was going though the pics looking for more of her she asked me to print them out for her, The one ex was a guy she dated for about 3 or 4 months and thats it the other one she was madly in love with and would have married him if he wasnt married. She has told me that she really loves him and the only reason they broke up was cause he was married and his wife found out. She told me that if he didnt have a child with his wife he would have divorced her and probably married my current girlfriend, This all happend at the end of 2003 into about February 2004. When we first started dating she used to send him sms's from time to time cause she missed him and wanted to see how he was doing, As a matter of fact she used to send most of her exe's sms's to see how they where doing. I really wasnt happy with this cause we where together, They never sms'd her unless she sent a message first.

Today when she asked me to print those photos out a lost it, I got really upset and cross and we had a argument cause I told her it wasnt right and what does she want it for, she is not with them anymore. She doesnt even speak to them anymore.
She says that even before we got together she wanted those pic's from the net and she still wants them, I quote "I dont want them for any reason, I just want to put them in my diary from last year and leave them there". She currently has a diary which has a pic of me on the inside cover and 3 pics of her exe boyfriends, 2 of whom she has told me she was madly in love with and would have probably married one day if the first one didnt just walk out on her after a year and a half for "no reason" (she still doesnt no why he left) and the other moved to australia.
Im not to happy about that and told her I didnt like it, But I accepted it cause they where there before I came along and I do have photos of my exe's in a album before she came along.

Ok thats the story now my questions:

1. Am I over reacting with the girl kissing girl thing, Is it still cheating or is it "ok" cause its the same sex?
2. Was I right about getting cross and arguing with her about me printing the pictures of her exes?
3. Is it right for people to want to stay in contact with the exe boyfriends/girlfriends once they are in a new relationship? (I refer to exe's that you have had sexual intercourse with)

She thinks she is doing nothing wrong by wanting me to get those pictures for her. I really dont hink its right, We have been dating for a year and even though those pics where taken before our time it not right to want them now?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Sorry, but this sure is a long message --- and this has been a hard day for me as the mainframe server in Cape Town seems to be on the fritz as usual, causing me enormous delays in reading and responding to messages. I think the server runs on steam, and they haven't put enough wood in the boiler --- you'd really think the highly profitable naspers group could afford an effective server, wouldn't you ? And then there's a violent storm approaching, threatening to fry my computer if I don't get offline smartly.
Anyhow, she doesn't seem to have any concept of an Ex being actually EX, rather than simpl another mmber of a harem. The girl-kissing thing sounds like an over-reaction and not worth getting steamed up about. Asking you to print out pictures of her exes was cheeky and either insensitive and stupid or deliberately provocative.
I don't comment much on Right an Wrong, but if someone is an Ex, you should have no particular need to remain in contact with them. It implies a rather frivolous attitude to relationships.
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