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31 Oct 2011

I am in the middle of a relationship issue, family issue and need some advice. Currently my husband, mother and brother have had a fight and no one seems to be talking to anyone and to make matters worse my mum lives with us. This is proving to be extremely stressful for and my moods tends to change continuously especially when I think about it and it is hard not to think about. We are supposed to be going away and the main reason is to for my mums b''day and my husband will spend the day with us but will not sleep with us. This upsets as first and foremost we are a family and should work through all these things, running away doesnot help it just makes things worse and what he doesn''t realise is that I am the one carrying most of the hurt and pain as I am in the middle of him and my mother. Now regarding this weekend him not wanting to stay with us is an issue for me also because deep down I don''t trust him. We have numerous issues throughout our marriage where he has no sense of commitment and responsibility. He will never keep to his word he finds it very difficult to man up to commitment. He does not consider my feeling in his decidions if there is something he wants or wants to do he does not care who gets hurt in the process the only thing that matters is that he gets what he wants.
I have tried to get him to therapy with me to deal with these things as when we talk on our own he gets defensive and angry no matter what I say or how I say it thats his reaction.
I feel as though I am loosing it and i can''t afford to since I have a 2 year old to take care of. Like I say my mood can be okay now and a second later it has completely changed, I feel down alot, feel like crying alot of the time. how do I deal with all this it is affecting me and I know that it is affecting my son (he has seen alot and heard alot of fighting that he shouldn''t). I don''t know what to do who to turn to, please help.
Answer 2,812 views

01 Jan 0001

Dear avdm,
Of course you're right, that sulking and refusing to talk to each other never ever solved a conflict or family problem. And you're right too that he needs to get involved in some form of therapy or marriage counselling if things are to be really sorted out.
But life presents us with quite enough unavoidable pain, without us volunteering, as in a very important way you have, to adopt other people's pain and feel the discomfort that belongs to them, and not you.
Meanwhile, do see a counsellor or psychologist for assessment and help in dealing with your own personal feelings and those you are currently borrowing from others.
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