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18 Feb 2009

Ruthless MIL....
More than a year ago, my MIL and I had a situation where she just took my things without asking for them when I asked her why she did that she retaliated with some very hurtful words.
Husband and I are out of the country for a while so we decided to leave some of our things (that we didn' t agree on whether to give it away or sell them) at his mothers house.
While there for a visit I was shocked to see my kitchen wear in MILs kitchen cabinets, some in her daughter kitchen and some at her mother(the grandmother). Shocked cause I called her atleast once a week but not even once has she mentioned or asked if she can use our dishes.
Nobody has ever said such hurtful things to me ever. She was screaming and telling me how selfish and bad I am, that people have told her that I' m bad. That I' m doing all that Ibecause of my mother and it was because of her that I' m still with my husband cause husband wanted to divorce me and if it wasn' t because of her I wouldn' t even know the UK.
So shocked and disgusted at the time, hubby and I fought over that cause when I asked him to tell his mother to stop he just said to me he' ll deal with her the best way he knows how while I was being scolded. And for what all because she took my things without permission.
I told her I want my things back in the boxes and I took them and put them back into the boxes. She said to me I should leave behind everything that my husband had before we got married cause all those dishes are hers since she bought them. And I did.
The problem is I think about her every single day, why did she do that to me?? Why such hurtful words over my things, what kind of monster is she?? Once we got back to the UK I struggled with this even today. Why didn' t hubby do something, said something?? He kept saying he did cause they always talk behind closed doors away from me. I don' t ever want to talk to that woman again ever in my life I don' t care whether she' s my kids grandmother. I don' t want to set foot in her house ever again.
My husband talked to her over the phone and she called me and I didn' t answer, later just before Christmas she sent me an sms saying that Christmas its a time for forgiveness and I thought wasn' t it Christmas when she was scolding me??
I want to forget about her about the hurtful words she said to me and how she said them. How do I put this behind me sometimes I want to divorce my husband (her son) so I can cut all ties with her.
It' s eating me up inside, Please help???!!!!
Thank you all for your response.

Answer 432 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

She does indeed sound very much lacking in ruth. Her extreme reation suggets that she was indeed aware that it was wrong to have taken and distributed some of your belongings --- was it in fact, though, made very clear to her that these were being stored with her, not given to her ?
Does't it seem, to you, that though both of you were clearly deeply hurt by this fight, the misery it has aused both of you wasn't worth it ? She has mae a move towards apologising ; is sad that you didn't feel able to accept it. Talk this over further with your husband, and plan some way for the three of you to meet and settle the dust. Consider the matter to have been a misunderstanding --- she surely had no intention of upsetting you so profoundly by what she did. And maybe it'd be a sensible investment for you and your husband to see a marriage counsellor together and work through the many relevant issues this whole affair raised.
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