Ask an expert
Question

14 Jan 2013

sad
On christmas eve my bf and I had a long chat and it was the first timein 9 months that I could talk to him and say what I wanted to say. In our relationship, he shouted me down and if I wanted to say something, he would tell me I am whining or make a remark about my speech or something to deter my thinking. Anyway the reason I could get it out was because in my head it was over and I think he was coming to that conclusion as well.

I told him then that I needed space and he agreed. On New Years eve, his mom died and I felt I had to call him and send him my condolences (I wouldnt have called him if that didnt happen). He then told me that he had a breakthrough with me and that we can work things out with his change of mind. I told him again I need time (I was hoping it would just fade and he would read between the lines that it was over). a week went by and then he called me and wanted to know if we still going to try. I didnt take his call, hoping he would get the message. Another week went by and he called me now on Saturday wanting to know whats going on. I then sent him an sms because I cant speak to him (he has a way of changing my mind) and told him that the love is gone and its too late for anything else. He responded saying that he had a breakthrough on xmas eve and was hoping that after everything we have been through and learnt, that we could work through things and heal together.

I was feeling so strong before this messge and now I have gone to pieces. I dont want to run back to him because I know things wont change. We are just not good for eachother and no matter what he says about his breakthrough, it is too late. Sorry just feeling miserable and vulnerable :(
Answer 264 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Of course you may be right that he may be mistaken in considering that he has recognized the problems and that he has truly changed for the better, or maybe after his bereavement he's mainly feeling lonely and needing to be comforted,
but this may be possible -
Would it be worth considering suggesting that he join you in couples counselling, to work on these issues together and with proper expert help, and truly have a realistic chance of succeeding, for the benefit of both of you ?
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.