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14 Feb 2013

Sad today
I''m a bit depressed today. I''ve had a very trying week, one of our dogs had to be put down, I''ve been fighting with my family... I''m quite down today.

Valentine''s Day is just another day. I know, I usually don''t care about it. My fiance is working very late tonight, he says he''ll probably be home by about 23:00. I know he''s not planning any secret Valentines Dinner, it''s not his style either and I know when he says he has to work, I know it''s ACTUAL work.

I''m also quite depressed because in June, it will be our 10 year anniversary and we aren''t married yet. We''ve been formally engaged now for two years, but we just can''t afford ANY wedding. We have so much debt that any extra money gets poured into paying off debt and savings for when it''s a rainy day and we don''t want to get into more debt (and we seem to have rainy day very often). All our friends and family say it would be sooo awesome for us to get married this year... they just don''t understand that we don''t have money to!

Very depressing.
Answer 292 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Of course one feels sad in such circumstances - its actually important to allow oneself, within reason, to feel sad when its an appropriate response to situations. Not excessively sad, not for inappropriately long, and not allowing oneself to wallow in it and move towards miserable and unhelpful conclusions or responses to it.
Valentine's Day is indeed nothing whatever, other than a scam dreamed up by marketers to sell low-quality stuff to mugs, and it inflicts much unfair misery on people who are led to feel disappointed when its never as marvellous as the adverts promise.
And please, folks, NO surprise or secret delights - anything genuione is entirely as delightful when openly planned. If the Pistorius tragedy happened the way some reports suggest, someone planning a silly "surprise" ended up being horribly surprised themselves.
NOBODY normal enjoys surprises.
If you love each other and its financial reasons that have postponed marriage, then work with good counselling to get out of debt and to be able to afford a pleasant marriage. That's not something to allow yourself to get miserable about. Save all the expenditure you can.
Amd simply explain the money difficulties to family and friends. If they;d like to contribute generously to pay for your wedding, that'd be nice. If not, then they should stop selfishly nagging you about it
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