Ask an expert
Question

13 Feb 2013

Secrets of my late partner
Dear Everyone,

I was involved with a man for almost 8 years, we meet when i was in school He was also my 1st and got engaged when we started working. We were best friends, everybody used to call us twins because we were never apart. We are there for each-other through think and thin, financially, emotionally, family quarrels, studies u name them, everything that i could ever dream of in a healthy relationship.

As we are busy planning our wedding and planning to have a baby and buy a house, unfortunate happened when he was killed on hit-and-run. I was so deeply destroyed by this, i tried to commit suicide so many times, as i felt the pain was getting too much for me, i was checked in on a mad-house for 5months,years went by and i got better and moved on with my life. but the memories and the love stayed with me forever.

is 6 years later, lastweek i was chatting to a new friend i was telling him about my late lover and somehow he said he recall the name from somewhere and he then later called me and says he remembers that his sister once dated a man who passed away also, he asked to call my sister and check if this is true, i chatted to this lady, and to our suprise, she was dating this man the same time our dating him, he dated her for 5 years and me for 8 years, i didnt wana believe it, then i asked her some personal stuff that i and only i knew i about this man and she knew all this information as he also shared it with her.

he promised both of us marriage, he was living a double life and non of us knew it. how could this be, he was lying to me all this years, unfaithful and pretending to care, i cant believe i almost killed myself for him.

i cant stop crying since i heard the news, i now look at this pics and i feel so empty inside.

I dont know how to remember him now, i wish he was here to answer for all this, to tell me more lies or to confess it all.. I hate him so much, every sunday i used to go to his grave and put some flowers and talk to him. I didnt go this past weekend,, how could he do this, can someone be so cruel. Am in so much pain,
Answer 301 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

So sorry to hear about this. SO he was less than you believed him to be, but maybe more than it feels right now. I doubt that he intended to hurt either of you, but more likely he got involved with each of you, felt fond of you both, and didn't have the courage to choose or to tell either of you what else was happening in his life which would have been so relevant to your life.
You were sincere, but maybe gave too much power over your own life, to him - more than one should give to anyone else.
Do see a good local counsellor or psychologist to help you work through all this - its a massive amount of new information, forcing an re-evaluation of so much you felt so sure about, and you deserve some expert help in sorting it out.
Your experience also shows, relevant to "Hurt "that suicide though a common thought in such grief, is never a solution. He was wrong and he did wrong, but in a way you brought out some of the best parts of him, to the benefit of both of you.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.