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22 Nov 2005

Sex before marrage
Hi!

I am sitting with a huge problem. I had various relationships before I met my husband. Some of them I thought they were the one so one thing let to another. Unfortunately those relationships did not last. Then I met my husband, I love him so very very much. His family does not like me at all, because his sister spread false stories about me and they believed it. While I was in varsity I once had a friend who dared me with pool (the one that looses will strip for the other one), he was one of my best friends (we've been friends for 4 years by that time). Only friends. So he lost and he took his clothes off, and that is where it stopped. We had a huge laugh and I told him to put his clothes back on. I also met a young lady, and one knight when I went to visit her, I found out she used to be a stripper, and she showed me a few moves, and I never again visited her because I don't want to be associated with someone like that. My husband and I knew each other two or three months when we first did it, but I just knew he was definitely the one for me. Now I grew up very conservative, I was the brainy type who did very very well in school and varsity. I am a very successful businesswoman and I am still a bit conservative. I can't help that I made mistakes in my past; I really thought the other guys were going to turn out as husbands (and I knew them all since I was a child, because I came from a small town.) I made mistakes, and know I just want to forget about it. My husband who is in his early thirties cannot handle the fact that I had other boyfriends. I am his first - I even thought him how to kiss (and he is really a looker, girls love him, but he was just not interested in any girl). He asked me about my past so I told him there is nothing he was my first, because I know he will not marry me if he knew. We got married, but know: he keeps on asking me why I did not sleep with my ex's, like for instance the one I went out for three years. He does not believe me when I tell him: no we didn't, I did not feel that why about him. Then he tells me: but we knew each other 2/3 months when we did it. Know I can remember I told him that want to wait, but with his family interfering I was afraid I was going to loose him, so I slept with him, and know he thinks that slept with all my boyfriend (I did not sleep with all, but with the long relationship ones yes, unfortunately). This weekend he asked me if I slept with one of them (and he already asked me a billion times), I kept on saying no, but he kept on asking, so I told him the worst I did was playing strip poker with my ex's friend when they lied to me and told me he was using me and going back to his ex girlfriend. I lost it completely and played trip poker. He was so angry he called me a hore and said to me that he wants a divorce. So later the knight I told him that I only stripped up to my bikini and then left (witch is very much the truth). But with him that keeps on asking me: "did you sleep with someone". It hurts, it feels like he thinks I am cheap, so I lost it and I wanted to hurt him back. He is now telling me my word means nothing to him, he doesn't believe a thing I am saying and he doesn't understand how could I have slept with him so quickly but with a past relationship of three years I did not sleep with that guy. How do I know if this relationship will survive, will it turn out in a divorce? I do believe I have a right to keep my private life private to myself. Should I walk out now while I still have dignity of should I just turn around and walk out? I can't help for my past, every body makes mistakes. Should I now suffer for my past?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

What an unreasonable and insecure little man ! Nobody is entitled to have hard feelings about whatever you may have done in the past before you met them. OK, if you lied to him about your past, he could have grounds for concern --- about the lying, rather than the history. But he isn't entitled to demand that you become a retrospective virgin. WOuld he agree to join you in marriage counselling, where he might learn to be more reasonable
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