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04 Mar 2003

Dear Doc

My boyfriend (aged 45) and I (aged 41) have had a relationship for the past year. He was sexually withdrawn initially having come from a failed marriage where he did not have sex for many years. He is an introvert. I give him a lot of compliments and reassurance and he has improved a great deal but has only come naturally (inside) twice during all this time. He usually masturbates or just does not come at all. He says he does not have to come to enjoy sex with me and claims that he loves having sex with me. He is a major control freak, could that have something to do with it? He never had children. He says he wanted children while he was married but it never happened because they never had sex. His sister says the ex said she decided not to have kids with him because he is too authoritarian. He has a small penis and says that he does not get any sensation while inside me, I know that I do not have a problem from my previous relationships. His size does not bother me and have told him that he's not small he is normal, so that issue has been cleared.

I sometimes suspect that having sex for him, is just getting too close for comfort , and he can't let go of himself completely (i.e. must stay in control) and therefor is happy with the limited enjoyment of the deed but without ejaculation. It bothers me sometimes because I do not feel that it is quite normal and rather onesided. I am satisfied, but he's not. He says it does not bother him??!! Weird! Otherwise he functions normally and has a normal sex drive.

Answer 351 views

01 Jan 0001

Ejaculatory incompetence refers to a man's inability to ejaculate inside the vagina; although his behaviour outside the vagina is absolutely normal, i.e., without any ejaculatory incompetence.

Ejaculatory incompetence is the opposite of premature ejaculation.

As opposed to ejaculatory incompetence, a man who is a victim of premature ejaculation inevitably ejaculates without much delay once his penis is inserted, or even well before entry.

But a man with ejaculatory incompetence can maintain an erect penis inside the vagina for an unspecified period of time and still, is not able to ejaculate there.

Outside the vagina, e.g., in masturbation or fellatio, the person ejaculates in a normal way without much delay, but inside the vagina ejaculatory incompetence grips his sexual behavior. That is what the dilemma of ejaculatory incompetence is. The man with ejaculatory incompetence is always at a loss of sexual satisfaction simply because he is unable to ejaculate, whereas his partner can have more than one orgasm just because he can maintain an erection for so long.

The possible causes of ejaculatory incompetence are religious restrictions, fear of impregnating, feeling of the vagina being dirty, and dislike for the female partner.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
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