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20 Feb 2003

should i maryy him
i have moved in with my boyfried and we will be married in may, i love him so much and he treats me like a queen but lately i dont know what to make up of his behavior. he used to spend lots of time with me but now he spend less time with me, he comes to bed late like 4am and when i ask him what he was doing all night he says he was just down loading some stuff on the internet. then when i was using the computer i found out that he was on porn websites at first it was not bad but now it really gone bad he's always on net and this hurt me a lot and i told that i dont like what he was doing (about the porn web site)he got angry. is it normal a man to spend five hours every night on porn web site? this is freaking me out and i dont know if i should marry him.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear uno,
This sounds like something the two of you need to discuss OUTSIDE of an argument and when things are otherwise calm between you. It's actually not uncommon for a guy to spend some hours at a time exploring porn sites on the internet. And just like they can be deeply interested in cars they will never drive, they seem to be able to dissociate their interest in the nude women of the web, on whom they can gaze lustfully, from the real woman in their life, without considering that there would appear to be some contradiction involved. Most men are much more easily turned on by visual sexual images than most women are --- but, then, many women are turned on in a slightly different way by the emotional porn of Soapies and Romance novels, becoming deeply involved in and aroused by the stories of emotional / romantic relationships of others, without seeing this as being in any way unfaithful to the actual man in their life.
If this is something of major concern to you, and the two of you can't work it out in calm discussion between you, why not embark on some pre-marital counselling to work this out, and make sure there are no other latent issues which might trouble either of you ?
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