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18 Feb 2003

SHOULD I STILL SHOW CONCERN?
Dear Doctor - I have previously posted questions on this page re my relationship with a person with bipolar depression. I have, about a month ago, decided to call it a day after yet another episode of rudeness and him saying afterwards that I "deserved it anyway". After everything I have been through to support him I thought that was rather rich and terminated the relationship. It did not seem to worry him at all! It was however extremely difficult for me - I miss him terribly and know that I still love him very much. I however realised that I was putting so much effort into a relationship and he would never reciprocate. I also could not risk losing my self-esteem any further. I am left however with constant worry for his safety and well-being. We have not made contact with each other for about three weeks. Should I phone him and continue being a friend to him, or rather cut the bonds completely? When I left him, I said to him that he could always count on my friendship and that I would always be there if he needed assistance, but that I could not go on with a relationship which did not make any one of us happy. Should I leave him to his own devices? And if not, how far should my friendship go? Should I be the one to make contact from time to time, or should I rather leave it? I want to do the correct thing without being drawn into his life again and being emotionally manipulated.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Glynis, It really does sound as if you have allowed this guy ( and bipolar disorder may be only one of his problems --- personality disorder may be more troublesome ! ) to trample over your feelings ; and as if your endless devotion and total focus on him and his needs and wants, have prevented you from forming other and more fulfilling relationships.
Let him be. If he doesn't bother to contact you, he is not a friend ( does he ever bother to find out how you are, and if you need anything ? ) , and he is not in need. Find someone more worthy of the obvously great capacity for love which you have demonstrated so far, without the appeciation you deserve.
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