Ask an expert
Question

20 Jul 2011

So here it is
I wrote a while ago about my relationship with an ex which I have now ended. I have a good husband who loves me very much and two children. My ex is still inlove with me but that is now besides the point.
My husband has medical problems which has affected our sex life for more than 10 years. We have sex maybe 2 or 3 times a year. These problems are manageable but he refuses to do anything about it. I am healthy and fit and attractive and cant understand how he can think that I have to be satisfied with this for the rest of my life. I have spoken to him about it, tried to be romantic, gone for counseling with him, encouraged him to exercise with me at his pace, he''s been for treatment but it is never long enough before he loses interest. His doctor says that a change of lifestyle (which the children and I follow) will help, but....
I have bought sex toys to make things exciting. When I have begged for long enough he will please me but it breaks down my confidence to have to ask for sex for weeks at a time, make a date with the children away and then it still does not happen. I have no problem initiating and putting in effort.
We are very good friends and I''ve tried to approach this from many angles and dont want to hurt him. I''ve told him that it puts strain on our marriage but while he promises to try, he never does even if I take him by the hand.
I do not want to divorce him but is it fair that I have to go through life like this? Every other aspect of our life is good and I have lots to be grateful for.
I''d prefer NOT to hear from religious preachers and those who tell me to count my blessings (I do). Only the expert and persons with real advice need respond and I thank you in anticipation of constructive comments.
Answer 386 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Many medical conditions can affect our ability to want or perform sex in the usual way, but if one is adaptable, one can develop a new style of sexual life despite unahcngeable illnesses. But it's actually selfish for him not to bother to seek medical assistance for an illness which could surely be improved.
Its sad that you seem to have made so many different attempts, in so many ways, to improve the situation, but it sounds as though he is just not bothering to pull his weight. He sounds like a good husband in most other ways, but determinedly ignoring his duties towards you.
Youi are a conscientious person, and he, apparently, is not.
venting is fine, but its not clear what your question is, here. Are you maybe wondering whether others will consider it understandable and even justifiable for you to have and pursue an affair ?
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.