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05 Jan 2005

so insecure...?
got divorced 4yrs ago after my ex had several affairs. 3mnths ago i got married to a wonderful, loving man. a few weeks ago his ex girlfriend broke up with her latest man and he's been over there to "help" her too often for my peace of mind (helping her move her stuff, installing her alarm system, checking out a problem with her car). i never get invited to go with him, most of the time only hear about it afterwards. also on more than one occasion he lied to me (had to work late, etc).

we had a terrible fight over this. i dont think its appropriate for an married man to be doing these things for a single women without his wifes consent and i want this to stop before things get out of hand. he thinks im overreacting, behaving immature and insecure because of my previous unhappy marriage.

do i have a valid point here, or is my behaviour out of line? should i seek counselling as he suggested or should i ask this woman to find someone else to "help" her sort out her problems?

any honest advise welcome.
Answer 393 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Exes ought not to get involved in helping their exes deal with THEIR new Exes ! I agree with lulu, you are not over-reacting --- HE is ! This other woman can't have no family and friends on earth other than him --- there is no need for him to become so closely involved with her again. He has to remember that he is married, and is ignoring your feelings, and his own duties. Work hard to get him to join you in marriage counselling to work through all these issues. You both need to share counselling --- it is not you alone who has a problem, while he is indulging in this White Knight on a Horse Riding to the Rescue of the Fair Damsel in Distress fantasy.
SHE fouled up her recent relationship, not him, and it is her task to deal with it, without dragging him back into her life. There were good reasons why their relationship ended before. And it needs to stay ended. She is manipulating him, and he is enjoying being manipulated.
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