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24 Nov 2005

some advice pleeeese
i asked for advice a few weeks ago u can read 11086. im still in a confused state. he is promising me eerything will be okay and that he will change only if i go back to him. shouldnt he want to change now already to prove he means what he says? The drugs are still their and he say he controls the drugs not them control him and he can stop anytime he wants to but why should he now if im not with him. he promises me all these things makes me feel terrible for wanting to leave saying i dont love him cause if i did i would stay and after all this i still find sms's between him and some girl and it sounds like something is going on. If he still doing these things now what says it will change if i give him another chance im too scared to go that route again but at the same time i do love him and start wondering if i will regret my move to leave or miss him too much. it feels like i take one step forward then one back. i dont no what to do.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

If his changing is conditional, and something he will only atempt if and when you return to him, that's not a good sign. He should want to change tfor the better anyway, and be prepared to change so as to please you, before you return.
Every single idiotic drug addict says the same thing --- the fantasy that he CAN control the drugs and not they him --- but he just hasn't wanted to do so so far ( nonsense, those drugs control EVERYONE who takes them ) ; and the song alcoholics sing as well "I can stop any time I want to ". That's not true, and even if it was, the question would remain --- why hasn't he wanted to stop so far ?
Don't let him get away with cheap emotional blackmail of the "If you really loved me you would stay with me " --- if he really loved you, heck, if he really loved and respected himself, he would have stopped the drugs long ago. He is refusing to take any personal responsiobility for his bad choices and actions, and trying to blame you for his failings. He loves his drugs more than he loves you. That's the fact which he has demonstrated so clearly.
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