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14 Jul 2010

son
Dear CS

Please help me, i''ve just found out my son is gay.How do i deal with this, what do I tell people i''m devasted. I have spoken to him it''s been over a year now. He lives with us and had the cheeck of bringing someone home on Saturday night (this was not something new he always brought a girlfriend or somebody home after a night out but these were just friends so nothing was suspect at all). I''m worried about the calm before the storm, i just cannot accept this i''m not sleeping suffering with major anxiety. My hubby tells me to keep quiet it''s nobody''s business, when i speak to my hubby he tells me to leave it and stop hacking on the same subject.

Help me please.

Thanks
Mich
Answer 407 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Firstly, why do you assume you need to "tell people" anything ? He's still exactly the same great son you have always had, and who you have brought up to be a nice and good person. His sexual orientation apparently happens to be gay, which is one of the usual variations, and occurs in some of us - not his fault, not your fault, not anyone's fault, any more than it's anyone's fault that you are not gay.

Your husband may not be being very supportive towards you right now, but has a healthier attitude to the situation. You wouldn't freak out if your son had grown up to have red hair - it's just a part of who he is. It really sounds as though you have some significant problems about this area of usual human sexuality, and you'd really benefit fro seeing a personal counsellor to better understand your very fierce and unhelpful feelings, and to work through your reactions, to find that this is no catastrophe - and that he needs and deserves your love as much and probably more than ever.
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