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23 Jan 2004

Son ( 7 ) is out of control...
Hi

My son is 7 years old and struggling to cope with my mom's death ( 2 months now ). We lived in th esame house and my mom reared him. SHe died of cancer and he is really struggling and I can't help him cope.

Pls help !
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear Mel,
I expect this is especially hard for you because you are yourself affected by this grief, so you have your own needs to attend to, as well as his. If possible, professional counselling could be by far the best route --- possibly through your nearest Hospice or branch of the NCA ( NAtional Cancer Association ) you could find someone with experience in this field, or a child psychiatrist / psychologist. An old friend of mine, Rabbi Earl Grollman, wrote a useful little book on explaining death to children, and there are other such books available ; wich can be especially helpful because often part of the problem, apart from the usual difficulties of talking abou death and grief with anyone, there is the matter of explaining things ( to the limited extent that we can explain these ) to a child, and also taking into account the child's age and degree of psychological development, and hence the form of concept of death which they will have. The other dificulty, often , is that this situation forces one to confront and clairfy one's own thinking on issues of faith, and the meanings of death. And that becomes so complex I wrote a popular book about it some years ago, but which has since gone out of print.
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