Ask an expert

04 Jul 2010

Spouses addiction ruining everything we have left
PLease help me, my spouse hid kat abuse and previously diet pill use(thins a pack a day) from me for over a year - now that diet pills is off the market kat is his choice, he uses it to work through the night and sais its also because he cant drink (im tired of all his addict excuses).

When I confronted him telling him I want to leave if he doesnt stop - he cut his bank card up (because he used R3000 on it).Currently the bank is trying to reposses his house because his previous boss didnt pay him - he has a much better job (I thought this would change him).

He used the drug at least 4 to 8 times per month behind my back and was an alcholic for many years previously, but stopped it and went on to other subtances inc.codeine tabs,sinus tabs,kat,dagga,e''s and all this Im sure because he couldnt drink he still on cigs and any paid meds and stopped all the rest but makes my life hell by fighting and being aloof and rude all the time (incl.witholding love etc.) he sais he wishes he never met me (rightly so I feel the same way because of all this rubbish.

He is sleeping over w.ends all w.end long up to 20 hours, taking lexamil 1per day.

I feel like giving us one more go - I want to plan an intervention or anything if that doesnt help ill give up because the experts say try everything before you leave.

He is threatening me financially and if I want a divorce or if I want to tell the court about this he sais he will stop working so I dont get maintanance while I complete my studies and try to get a second car as we living with one that is on my moms name he sais I can tell his family he doesnt care because his mom is worried and told my mom.

I have been with him for 6 years and he is 33 years old and im 9 years younger - but he uses my situation to insult me even though im not lazy and I work and I do everything for him ( he never cooks or buys grocerys or anything - I even pay the bills - he only goes to work and comes home).

I am at the end of my wits as I am married in cop and if he loses the house I end up with half the debt and all this, his health is failing him and he did the bipolar test and answered to it and got all of them right for himself.

I am not interested in helping any more but am trying to help because it will ruin me financially if I leave and he does something stupid as Im the one controlling the finances and everything since he cut the card up.

He sleeps in a seperate bed and doesnt talk to me, we dont have intimacy and he keeps on insulting and threatening me with money as he knows im stuck (we sold 1 car to help us and I work part time and study full time).

PLease help me as the medical aid is depleted and Im scared he does more stupid things and then I dont even have money for food.

Sorry for the long email I feel like my whole world is upside down now.
Answer 377 views
Addictions expert forum

01 Jan 0001


You sound very distressed and understandably so. You need to focus on your own recovery and get him into treatment so that he can start his. Your husbandsounds very resistant to treatment and professional addicition therapists can offer you an intervention whereby he is faced with the dire consequences of his addiction and basically given an ultimatum to clean up.

Such clinics also offer a comprehensive program for those affected by a spouses or loved ones addiction and can assist in getting the help that you need and empower you to move out of the role of victim and into your own healing whilst he gets on with his healing .

best regards
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.