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26 Mar 2003

Still angry after over a year!!!!
It's been over a year since I separated from my ex-girlfriend but I'm still angry at her for all the problems that we encountered as a couple. A lot of our problems, which could have been solved, where normal problems experienced by other people in relationships. However we were not able to get over them until they got over us. I suggested that we split and she agreed but now she wants me back. I really loved my ex but had to leave her. Why am I still angry if I found someone else???ve
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CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Felipo, so you haven't got round to letting go of the previous relationship. And neither has she. That doesn't mean that this previous elationship was wholesome or a great idea ; but that it had at least become a sort of habit. Both of you might be excellent people, but you were not able, with real effort, to get over or through the normal problems that arise within a relationship. Maybe, though fond of each other, you are not designed to be a functional pair. You can remain fond of her, without remaining in love with her, and vice versa.
Why are you still angry ? Maybe angry with yourself for having had a failed relationship, for deciding to break up, whatever --- and displacing some of that self-anger onto her ? Maybe anger with her for failing you in various ways, for failing to meet your expectations ? Maybe angry because by expressing the wish that you get back together, she is re-awakening issues you had thought you'd left behind, and raising uncomfortable doubts about that relationship, and your present one. This is the sort of situation in which counselling can help. It doesn't sound as if returning to the previous relationship is likely to lead to happiness for the pai of you ( if you were previously sincerely engaged in atempts to sort things out ) ; and it would end your present relationship which could become fulfilling, if it were the main item on your agenda. Also, counselling could help you to learn whatever lessons might be most useful, from the failure of the last relationship, to avoid making the same mistakes in the future.
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