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13 Jul 2011

Teen. Bad Attiude
My 14 year old daughter is driving me scatty. She is a bright girl doing well at school, but has a unpleasant streak where she is nasty to her younger sister,(11) passing disparaging remarks about her appearance etc.Its all about herself all the time. When taken to task, she reacts by saying that no one loves her and she is always being blamed etc.
She lies about projects/ homework that she does not do or complete in time. She says the reason she lies is that she does not want to get into trouble ?? She does not appear to be able to assimilate what is important and what is not. The frist thing that comes into her mind when confronted is to tell a lie.She is obsessed with Facebook,Twitter, Texting, I Pod and hip hop music. All of these forms of entertainment have been removed because of her unpleasant behavior and attitude. I realise that hormones at this age are all over the place etc, but what I need to know is how do I handle her. How do I make her realise that this type of behavior is not acceptable. She is really a wilful girl, with an answer for everything whose life at the moment is focused on " fun" .We are firm with the girls,regards TV viewing etc we spend a lot of time with them, coaching them with homework, ensuring they eat a healthy diet and they do have family fun over the weekends, eating out going to movies visits to the Mall etc, all of which seems to be taken for granted and not appreciated by the 14 year old. I really need some good advice. She has been for counselling, but does not appear to have had a positive effect
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Sounds like a dreadful case of Teenager. And fortunately she will in time grow out of it. Remind her that she is indeed loved, though sniping at her sister is unloveable, and she's only being blamed for things she chooses to do, and, by chosing not to do them, she can avoid being blamed.
You can point out that its the lying that gets her into more trouble than the things she chooses to lie about.
This age is difficult to handle. Keep to a consistent set of rules about the important things ( ignore the trivial ), and with consistent rewards for good behaviour and penalties for bad behaviour. Consistency is essential, for ma and pa must agre and respond in the same way to the same provocations. And good behaviour for the week should be required to earn the weekend rewards, mall visits, etc.
Sorry to hear the particular counsellor wasn't useful, as it shouldn't be hard for a counsellor to help you through these annoying times.
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