Ask an expert

13 Jul 2005

The other side of child maintanance...
Hi everyone,
I would like to get your oppinion on something. I've read some of what was written about child maintance and I do agree that both parties should take responsibility for the child (or children). I know a couple of women who struggle to get maintance from their ex-husbands so I how difficult it can be.

I however have a very good friend who is currently going through a divorce. He and his wife has been seperated for 2.5 years now and finally it came to a point where he wants to get a divorce. I don't know her but it seems like she's using the child (a 3 year old boy) to manipulate him. He currently pays about R5,000, which includes al the child's expenses as well as her car payment and insurence.

Now that he decided to get a laywer involved he realized that he is paying way to much for his income. Off course she is now up in arms, personally I think she just got spoiled with him still supporting her financially. Apparently she wasn't in the position to support both herself and the child in the beginning and that's why they made an agreement that he would pay for the car and what not. (she also now lives with someone else) Everytime he tries to withdraw some of the financial support she tells him he doesn;t care about his son or her family phones him with all kinds of accusations. This really gets to him and he just wants to give it all up.

He also only gets to see his son on her terms. A while back they made arrangement that he would get the son for a few days, but about a week before he was supposed to go she decided that he couldn't have him anymore.

I don't know what to tell him anymore, am I just being narrowminded or is this women using her child to get back at her ex? Shouldn't the child be the first priority?
Answer 774 views

01 Jan 0001

it does indeed sound as if she is shamelessly abusing her child as a way to prod her ex into paying more to maintain her chosen lifestyle ( even though she is apparently now living with someone else ) rather than actually being concerned purely with the child's welfare. With so much money and heartsore involved, I'm amazed that there haven't been legal proceedings to set down what he needs to pay ( probably less than she demands ) and to grant him proper access ( whatever is best for the child, not whatever suits the vengeful mother). Why dpesn't he let a court decide this for him ?
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
Voting Booth
Have you entered our Health of the Nation survey?
Please select an option Oops! Something went wrong, please try again later.
33% - 9320 votes
67% - 18605 votes