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15 Dec 2004

Think I am going nuts
Last night I did something very stupid. I cant help myself though! My recent ex wont talk to me as you know, he wont even sms me anymore. I really feel the need to know why he left, and I need answers as to why he left the way he did. I bought a starter pack and called him from it (he puts the phone down when he sees its me or a no-number) he was in a pub, with lots of laughing etc. He sounds just fine. I didnt talk just hung up. This of course made me feel even worse. I feel so stupid for doing that, like Glen Close in fatal attraction (kidding), but you get the picture? How can it be that he means so much to me, and I so little to him? Am I becoming obsessive? How do I get myself back on track and functioning in the real word again? I dont like this side of myself at all. I put up my christmas tree last night - the first one by myself (I moved out of home to move in with my ex). It has always epitomised the joy of the festive season for me, but last night I just felt sad, alone and really pathetic. I feel like I am losing it.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Hi VM,
We sometimes fiercely feel the need for answers, maybe we don't always need them as much as it feels like ; and often we can't get the answers we want, when we want, but they emerge later on, if we can be patient enough to wait for them to emerge. Get more functional in your own real world --- family and friends, and let go of him. If he is meant to be a special friend of yours, he will return in time. If he doesnt come back in contact with you, then he was never yours all along. Then move on, there will be others, even better, in your life, if you allow that to happen.
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