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17 Dec 2002

To Nicky3 and all the Regulars
Like a regular in a bar, I come this site on a daily basis to get my "fix". Perhaps its a voyeuristic thing and it may be that I get a kick out of reading about other peoples' sexual mores, and, in most cases, their sexual detractions.

However, when I come across a posting like the one from Nicky3, I have to ponder and wonder about the legitimacy of some postings at this site: on an obvious level, I suppose it is fair to assume that the site is meant for people who are curious or ignorant about technical matters relating to sex. On this level it works extremely well most of the time - the doc (bless her soul) supplies guidance and replies in a detailed, if somewhat clinical, manner. Nicky3's posting is not a sexual problem and yet it illicited 9 responses, ranging from encouragement to the usual "go for it" type of postings. I mused over this for a while: Nicky3 has a self-image problem that is directly related to how she and her potential lover may view her body. The regulars - PG, Lancelot et al (including the troubled Tim who posts using both a male and female identity and is in fact just an ordinary trawler hoping to get lucky here) - all suggest that Nicky3 is deserving of true love, that her beau would see her for what she is, that she should not care about how she looks and that, in short, true love will conquer all. Really guys?

I am a female. I have an average bod and can hump like the best. I am as liberated as any and more sexually informed than most. I can hold my own in any conversation and I know the difference between nuclear fusion and nuclear fission. Yet, when I am with guy - the so-called decent, good kind - I notice that they cannot help but look (and literally drool) at a really sexy chick that saunters in to the pub/restuarant. And these are the good guys.

We created a world that only accepts lithe, slim, unmarked bodies as real sexual currency. Sure, Nicky3's guy may well love her enough to "see past" the blemishes that life leaves on our bodies - drooping breasts, stretch marks, cellulite - but what will he really be thinking? We have, as our view of sexual acceptability - an anorexic outlook. Thin is better, fat is out.

How did Nicky3 come to post her query here, in a sexual forum? And how does she rate the level of advice she is given? Does she have any idea of the demographics of the males that visit and post here? I get the impression that, in the main, the guys on this site admire and applaud women that are sexually liberated, regardless of how they look, think and act. The single criterion is sexual freedom.

Nicky3, I would hesitate before accepting their advice. They mean well but don't really understand. As a woman, I, too, would say that your man should accept you as you are, love you for who you are. Truth is, we read too many magazines to really believe that because on some level we all want to be that sexy thing that walks into the bar wearing a midriff that reveals a perfectly flat stomach. Sure, there are guys that look deeper than that but they are so far and few between. If you are really bothered by your weight and general shape - fix it: go on an eating plan, join a gym. Personally I think that the diet and gym thing is far harder and in fact unneccesary because as women we should fix whats in our heads about what is acceptable to men and what is not.

Forget this rubbish about dimming the lights and everything will be fine and that he will love you anyway. Get a new mindset or change your body.
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Expert
Sexologist
sexy

01 Jan 0001

Dear True Blue
It is thanks to writers like you, that I get through my day as well. Somedays I wonder if I should be Agony Aunt, or Bosom Momma (The Star), and some days I just want to be Dan Savage.

Here is a little example of how Dan Savage get's through his e-mails:
I run letters from normal people about normal problems, and readers send e-mail bitching about the boring normal letters. So I run letters from freaks and perverts about eating shit and smelling farts, and people send e-mail bitching about the abnormal letters. Christ. And I'm sorry, AGOG, but you might wanna skip this week's column. Like follows like, as they say, and now that I've gone and raised the whole shit-eatin', fart-sniffin' subject (at the request of another angry reader), I've got e-sacks of shit-eatin', fart-sniffin' e-mail to get through before I can get back to the normal stuff.

And finally, AGOG, I hope my "normal" readers are able to enjoy their sex lives despite the knowledge that there are shit-eaters and fart-sniffers out there and always will be. It's a free country, and tempting as it may be, we can't exactly round up the shit-eaters and gas them. As disgusting as they are, it's currently illegal to murder shit-eaters. Heck, they're not even legally obligated to floss.

I am a weekly reader of your column. I need to ask a favor. Can you put me in contact with Not a Sick Bastard, the man who wrote you about his fetish for eating feces? We have something in common..

Hook Me Up

While pretty much anything goes here at Savage Love, I draw the line at hooking up sh@%-eaters. So the answer is no. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. NO!

And please stop reading my column.

Well True Blue, you did a sterling job of answering Nicky, thank you very much. Now I'll just get back to my "cold and clinical ways".

Regards
Dr Mac


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