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Question

30 Mar 2007

to Wife re 1981: is my marriage finished
Subject: RE: is my marriage finished?
Posted by: Damon
Message:
you wrote that "he's let me down like every other person I've trusted in my whole life"..... then I think, like Tango said, you need to see a good therapist (i wonder how do you define and know a good therapist). you need to deal with your disappointment by those you once trusted and let you down - cos that you are viewing your husband in the same light, he may just not be the same as them, but your guards are always up, you never dealt with and found closure on the past.

if it is tru that "he is like them", you need to deal with "how and why did you attract and allow/let yourself to be treated like that in the past and how and why now with your husband". I listened to the MetroFM talk with Crisselda Cannanda (ex my spelling) and they talked about the power of words. They said that there is nothing like a victim, there is she or he who allowed him or herself to be (raped, abused, treated badly and other ills.).

In actual fact, you are allowing your husband to treat you this way. In fact read what you have written again.
- " dont know if its worth fighting to make it right"
- "I trusted him to love me and make me feel like I'm his #1" (you need to learn that you are your own number one first before you are their or his number 1)
- " he's let me down like every other person I've trusted in my whole life" (you trusted them - nothing wrong with that, but you choose to trust or not to trust a person)
- "Love can be taken away if I dont behave,"
- " I seem not to deserve it like everyone else"

need I continue with the power of your words? they are now tormenting you
Date: 30/3/2007
Answer 385 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

The words quoted reveal a set of assumptions and beliefs which shape life as she experiences it --- and this is exactly where Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy ( CBT ) works so well
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