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13 Jan 2008

Too demotivated to diet
I have always had a huge appetite, not healthy. Throughout my teens I was very sporty and used to exercise everyday for 3 hours not because I was trying to lose or control my weight and so without realising it, I consumed vasts amount of food. I would always have everyone else's leftovers, two burgers and fill my plate up to the brim. I remember my sister's friends frequently commenting on how much I ate...this of course was acceptable as I had a very good figure maintained by the exercise. But then at the age of 16, I started to gain weight but but as it was never an issue for me, I didn't notice it until someone made a passing comment about my thighs. I would wear swimming costumes alot so perhaps this was more noticibly visible. I then looked at a photo of myself and to be honest, it was so shocking. My legs were indeed hugh and my face had ballooned and my reaction to that was to go on a deprivation diet of no carbs, little protein and alot of salads but still maintain the rigourous exercise regime. Well after 8 months I had lost alot of weight and then people started to make the opposite comments about how I looked like a skeleton, was secretly a Bulimic and had an eating disorder. It really messed with my mind. I started to hate my body and became obsessed with looking perfect to please people. At such time I became very depressed and started binging on bars of chocolate and then purging. AAah, and so the five cycle began from there and has never really stopped. In result, I've ballooned and have stopped exercising because of bone problems caused by losing and putting on alot of weight in a short period of time.

So at the moment, I just don't have the motivation to Diet because it's been so traumatic the whole experience first time around however the big difference is that this time around, I am starting out with a bad attitude towards food, it's my enemy. To be honest I would rather never eat again and live on vitamin pills if that were possible so I would never have to face the guilt or compromise everyday ever again. Hope this post wasn't too long, just felt like writing from the heart because no one I know understands what it is like to live with an eating disorder, they see food as a nutritious offering to the body, to's more emotional than physical...infact it has nothing to with the body when you treat your insides like a trash can. For me, it's all about the temporary alleviation from pain, guilt and so the cycle continues. I would trade place with a heroin addict anyday, really, at least people tolerate them but with overweight people, they think it's easy as putting down the Kitkat and stepping on the treadmill. But fat is not the cause, it's the symptom. A symptom of what? What's going on in the brain that's what. Okay I should stop writing now.
Answer 423 views

01 Jan 0001

Dear Shelley Bean
I hear what you are saying and can feel your pain. Trying to cope with an eating disorder is hell on earth. Eating Disorders need to be treated with a team approach. Please consult a clinical psychologist (they are listed in the Yellow Pages under 'Psychologists' or you can ask your gp to refer you), to help you work out what underlying psychological problems are driving you to self-destruct and to learn most positive ways of dealing with these problems. You should also consult a clinical dietitian to assist you to get back to eating normally again. Visit the Association for Dietetics in SA Website at: and click on "Find a Dietitian" to find a dietitian in your area. If you are in Gauteng then it may help to contact Tara Hospital as they have an Eating Disorder clinic (phone (011) 783-2010. In Cape Town and environs you can contact the Kenilworth Clinic (021) 797-1400 and in KwaZulu Natal there is Riverview Manor (033) 701-1911, or contact them on:
Go for expert help ASAP as I am very worried about you.
Best regards
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
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