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23 Jan 2013

Trapped
I''m glad the sun shines these days, at least.
I feel trapped, been feeling this way for a few years now. I want to spend more time with my children, 5 and 1, yet I must work full-time. thankfully my hours are flexible within limits. We get home almost at 5, then its bath, supper, bed. I am frustrated and wonder how long more it can go on in this fashion. I want to give my children a quality of life they will cherish, yet I feel there is no time to do that.
I am a single parent as hubby works away, and will be leaving for work in another country next month. I plan to seek a divorce once he leaves, its too complicated doing it now.
Balancing my life is not easy, not my life, but all our lives. With the age difference betw my children I find it difficult giving them both the attention they need and deserve. It would be easier if their father was around, or some other support, but its just me.
I cook after they sleep at night, so I don''t have to rush when we get home, and dinner is ready if they are really hungry, and most important it allows me previous few moments with them.
I tell myself every day I''m not the only wokring mum out there, they are not the only kids in school and creche, but I miss them so much.
Everyday the single thought that I want another life makes me wish I could change it all in a second.
I''ve contemplated starting my own business, but it would leave me in no better position, in fact may be worse, as a business is another baby and needs attention to be successful. I abviously need the money to support and educate us.
I feel trapped in this life. I wonder if its just being in joburg, stuck in traffic almost every single day, that makes me feel this way, but then also, I watch the clock at work, as my children spend all my working hours in the care of others.
I really don''t know how to accept that this is how things are?
Is this the life I want for us?
I want us to enjoy being a family, but its not always easy as there are so many responsibilities and giving each child my full and loving attention is not always easy. I keep wondering what sort of life we have, what memories will my children have? Will their best memories be of all the times they spent in after-care playing with other children?
How do I give them a good quality life?
I just don''t know, I''m tired of contemplating, wishing, hoping things will change.
I''ve started disliking being in Joburg, but moving is not an option right now.
Answer 203 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Do remember that "bath supper and bed" are very important PARTS of a cherishable quality of life, and something your children will probably remember fondly. Your relationship and love are part of all those aspects of daily life - they're part of it, not postponing it. And school and creche are also important parts of their lives, not intervals from it.
And their time with you, though not unlimited, will stand out in their memories in pat because it wasn't unlimited and always there constantly.
IS there a possibility of getting in some sessions of marriage counselling with your husband before he leaves ( it makes not much sense for him to go to work overseas unless this earns enough to be able to afford counselling and other family needs ) ? Maybe working together you can make a better plan for the improved happiness of all of you ?
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
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