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03 Dec 2005

un ravelling
hey cs

i seem to be able to realise this morning that i have actually been slowly unravelling (losing my marble ) this past year.

ive felt like a zebra that has lost its stripes.

why is life so difficult sometimes ?? and what is the lesson to be learnt from this I wonder ?? losing my dad nearly sent me over the top , the last time i felt like this was when stephen dissapeared and i had a " breakdown" and that was years ago ....

to be honest im not coping very well at all , or maybe the fact that i know im not coping means im coming right ?? crikey i dunno , am i making sense here???

we never quite adjusted to the city although we would never move from the sea , hubs and i are both total beach bums and the climate is divine .. but city living ???????????????? ugh .....

this time i have let go and let hubs decide about our future and he feels very strongly that its time to chill , its time to step back and let the rest of the world rush around like lunatics , we can achieve exactly the same financially but with a far more peaceful existance .. i think this has been my lesson .. to damm well let go ... and stop trying to run the country .

i just wish i could get rid of this total feeling of exhaustion , i feel as if i could sleep forever and not have to wake up .... its an effort to have to get up and even type this note .. why am i feeling so ragged ??

Answer 330 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

I'm not really puzzled by why life is so difficult at times --- I think it's dificult much of the time, though we often don't notice it or pay attention to the fact. You've been through a lot. And something like losing your dad brings many complications apart from plain grief, including an increased awareness of and thoughts about mortaility, the purpose of it all, where we're getting ourselves, and so on. Its a high sress time. And even the idea of moving and re-settling, even if a great idea, involved changes and challenges, and remember in the scale of stressful events, even good things score quite highly. Grief and stress are both very tiring. Maybe the change to a more peaceful setting will be a blessing all round.
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