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Question

28 Feb 2003

Unable 2 commit
I am energetic, outgoing & a goodlooking 27 year old male. I love my family but we are not as close as I would like to be because we all live too far from each other.I have had 2 serious relationshops in the past, where both woman have left me for another man. I have no problem meeting girls. I realise that no one is perfect, but finding fault in every one I meet leaves me unwilling to commit to a relationship.
Is it normal for me to be finding find fault in every one I meet because maybe it just isn't "the one"?
OR
Should I be more accepting and is there something I can do to encourage committment?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear Chuck,
I think sometimes problems arise when one concentrates too much on hunting for a serious relationship, and on asking oneself whether this person is "the one". It makes on too self-conscious, and looking too much for early certainty. Isn't it better to concentrate on forming a number of friendships, both to increase one's skills at working in and developing relatonships, and to get to know yourself and other people rather better ? When one takes the time to get to know people, without drawing conclusions too early, it eventually tends to become lear whether this prson feels like "the one" or not. In counseling, it is possible to explore in more detail what you are looking for in "the one" --- that characteristics you need in somone with wom you'd have a happy long-term relationship, and what characteristics would ultimately make such a relationship unsatisfying for you both.
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