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16 Jul 2010

Unappreciated and husband doesn''t get it
I feel very unappreciated by my husband and as if he can only pick on things he doesn''t like about me or what I do. It feels like he rarely realizes the positives about me and what I give for our life together. I''m not asking for a pat on the back for every little thing but just the realization that I''m actually a good contributing partner.

So I came up with the idea that each night we have to tell each other just 2 things we appreciated about the other one that day. It doesn''t need to be huge. Just a small acknowledgement of something, anything! I thought this would help him see some of what I give but it''s been a disaster. He can''t think of anything. Each night he just responds with " I appreciate you for who you are" . If I ask for something specific he gets upset. I’ ve given examples such as I appreciated that he went to work today to look after us or I appreciate that he fed the dog. I mean it’ s not rocket science.

Am I being too sensitive? Any help or suggestions would be appreciated. This exercise was suppose to bond us and it''s only made me feel worse and even less recognised. He just doesn''t get it. I’ m hurt and angry and out of ideas.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

I onder whether he even recognizes any positive things about himself. Some people grow to have a very negative world-view over-all, and have difficulty noticing what's right and good, and difficulty in responding helpfully to aspects of their life, or that of any others, which are less than perfect. This may fit your observation that even when given an excellent opportunity to recognize good things, he finds it awfully hard.
Maybe it's not rocket science, but it's an ability and skill you obviously have and he doesn't.
If you could persuade him to join you in mariage counselling, he might be able to learn such skills.
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