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Question
14 Mar 2003
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Unhappy in foreign country
I met my boyfriend in a foreign country and we both from SA. We both are still working in foreign country. He is much older than me + 10years. We started dating and after a year we started living together. 2 months ago he told me that he was married twice and not once like he first told me when we started dating. and he have 3 kids instead of 1 as I believed all the time. Now he absolutely refuse to speak about his first marriage and other 2 kids. I felt absolutely betrayed as trust and honesty is very important to me. I moved out, but continue with the relationship. But now it seems I can't forget about the fact that he lied to me and I dont trust him anymore. We r constantly fighting now. Should I demand that he give me an explanation about his previous relationship. Am I too demanding
CyberShrink
Dear Foreigner,
No, you're not being too demanding. You discovered that he has been untrustworthy as regards giving you false information about his previous mariages ; and he's given you reasons, also, to be worried about what it is, about the first marriage, that he feels is so terrible he refuses to tell you about it.
IF trust and honesty is truly very important to you, and apparently isn't important to him --- what would be the reason for seeking to continue the relationship with him ? Unless this "foreign country" is a desert island, surely there are other men available , who would better match your expecations ?
No, you're not being too demanding. You discovered that he has been untrustworthy as regards giving you false information about his previous mariages ; and he's given you reasons, also, to be worried about what it is, about the first marriage, that he feels is so terrible he refuses to tell you about it.
IF trust and honesty is truly very important to you, and apparently isn't important to him --- what would be the reason for seeking to continue the relationship with him ? Unless this "foreign country" is a desert island, surely there are other men available , who would better match your expecations ?
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