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05 Dec 2005

unhappy marriage
I've been married for 4 years. Recently on a trip I met someone else. I made an instant special connection with this person. I have tried to stop all connections with him but it feels horrible when I can’t talk to him, I want to cry all day and my heart hurts. Meeting this person has drawn my attention to the problems in my marriage and my needs that are not met. Passion, romance and intimacy are lacking in my marriage. It is like being married to a good friend. We are very civil to each other and don't fight a lot. My husband is a negative complaining person and has a tenancy to control. These things I have always complaint about but my husband says it is who he is, and cannot change. I have always wanted to travel and maybe live overseas. My husband knows this but always has an excuse why it cannot happen now. My husband hardly ever gives me compliments and I don’t feel that he finds me attractive or desires me, but he is not unkind towards me. Although my husband doesn’t show any sexual interest in my, I have noticed that he is very interested in porn on the internet, and will rather look at this then come to bed with me. We do not have many common friends or an active social live. I think this may be because my husband sometimes rubs people the wrong way. I don’t think he considers what they are feeling. Therefore my friend’s husbands do not find a connection with him. I feel uncomfortable being with my husband at social events because I am afraid of what he will say to other people. My husband says I am wrong about this and that he doesn't do this. I have talked to one person who has confirmed this. I want to give my marriage a second change but don’t know if my heart is still in it to do this. I want to break up with the other person to be able to do this, but find the feeling when I do this or even think of doing this unbearable. I’m so afraid of hurting everybody involved in this, including myself, by making the wrong decision. What should I do?
Answer 338 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Well, do we do what feels good, or what is right ? If there are problems in your mariage, discuss this with your husband and see a marriage counsellor together.
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