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15 Jul 2011

Unsympathetic towards certain people, now hubby thinks I&#8217 m a b!tch
An acquaintance that my hubby went to school with committed suicide a few weeks ago, but he only found out this morning. He kept saying he can’ t believe that guy was dead, tried to draw me into the sad feeling, but I wasn’ t too fond of this guy- he was heavy on drugs and very aggressive (we happened to be at the same pub as him a few months back, and this guy was by his car when we were leaving and my hubby told me to go to the car quickly because he was worried this guy was so much on drugs, he would try something. He got into a fist fight with someone a really petty thing, it was really bad). So, I told him I am not sorry he’ s dead. I told him that people on drugs, people that drink and drive and the likes are wasting the gift of life they have been given and that it’ s better that THEY are gone than they cause the death of someone else. He told me that was harsh and is now ignoring my calls and my SMS’ s, even my Facebook postings (I wrote on his wall for him to call me and he deleted the post!). I now feel like a cow because I said that, but I have lost people (both emotionally and by death) because of drugs and drinking and I am sorry but you are told that drugs are bad since you are 6 years old and if you choose to do them, then why must you get sympathy? I also said that suicide is a sign of a weak personality, which he took great offence to. I don’ t see what the big deal is- was I wrong in saying all that? Am I wrong to have my beliefs? I feel totally awful now and I dread the conversation we are going to have tonight, if he even COMES home tonight. What I don’ t understand is everything I said this morning, I have said plenty of times before and he never got upset or anything- why now all of a sudden? He wasn’ t even a friend!
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Your attitude is understandable, and so is his. It's a shame that we expect each other to have identical attitudes to challenging and perhaps ambiguous events.

And the guy you describe may have been most unpleasant to know, but his behaviours may have reflected inner disorder and chaos rather than inherent evil!

But one area where you are utterly, totally, wrong is the idea that "suicide is a sign of a weak personality" - it's simply untrue and deeply hurtful to the many people who have considered or even attempted suicide, and to those who survive them. Suicide is a sign of utter despair, and occurs in all sorts of people including many even you would consider to be strong and admirable.

From your later comments, maybe what you said so baldly roused unpleasant feelings in your husband because they were uncomfortably close to some nasty ideas he himself has had. What ugly ideas each of you have had, so lacking in understanding and sympathy for others !

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