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27 Jul 2011

Urgent help needed
Hi Dr
I''''m writing on behalf of my brother who is 43 years old and has been married for 18 years. Has two beautiful daughters, one 15 and the other 13. He is a very stubborn man and I don''''t know if he takes life seriously. For a few years he has not been the same person, his marriage has been a bit rocky, he goes out to drink with his buddies and always comes home drunk.Was working for himself but did not always have work and money and did not contribute much, the wife was always the main contributor. And there''''s not communication amongst the family. The wife has had enough and told him to leave home and it seems that is what he wants, to be on his own. We all talk to him to see if he gets some sense into his head but to no avail. We also told him that he needs help and we are prepared to take him to a doctor but he does not want to hear about it. He is a diabetic and suffers from hypertension and has not been on medication for a long time and I''''m worried that he might have a heart attack or stroke. Please doctor is there any hope and is there anything I, his sister, or anybody else can do to help him? Please help !!!!! Thank you.
Answer 330 views

01 Jan 0001

A stubborn man may take life very seriously indeed, but may not take other people's opinions or needs seriously. This guy sounds like the alcoholics and others we discuss frequently, where the annoying answer is that while he could surely be helped, it would only be if he himself recognized he had problems and needed help for them, and if he was prepared to work sincerely and hard with a suitable expert. So long as he refuses to acknowledge that there are any problems, he's not amenable to help.
There is a drinking problem, maybe alcoholism, and that is bad for the brain. Diabetes that isn't perfectly controlled, and unrtreated hypertension have various risks and are also not good for the brain. And it's not only the risk of a major stroke ; people can have a series of little strokes, causing gradually increasing damage.
Where someone is stubborn, one may have to be more subtle in trying to persudae him to be stubborn in a useful and healthful way, rather than in a self-damaging way. Sometimes they fiercely resist direct messages telling them what to do, but may be more open to more subtle messages about why everyone is worried about him. But it will in the end be up to him.
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