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Question

06 Jul 2005

want to know
Im a 22 year old female in search for my father.Ive never seen him in my life.I used to ask my mother about him a lot when i was small but i gave up hope cause she kept lying to me. I know shes lying cause she said he raped her and thats why im here today.Why would he rape her, they shared a flat for over a year in Krugersdorp? She also used to say that he took little girls home and rape them in another room while se was at home.If he did that she would have called the cops and she wouldnt ever have stayd with him for such a long time!she just told me all that stuff hoping that would never want to meet him....Once at age 15 i asked her if she can try to find him for me and she just replied that im not mature enough.What does being mature or not got to do with knowing who your father is?If theres any one out there that could help me find him please let me know.I know his name, surname and birthdate can i even find him with this little info?
Answer 290 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

I don't know whether or not she is lying. Rape can occur even when a couple are living together, even if they're maried. If he was violent towards other girls, well, that could well be true, and such men usually terrify the woman they are with, so that theyre scared to call the police -- the little girls may well not have complained for the same reason. Sadly, MANY women in such situations do indeed not only not call the police, but they do stay with such dreadful men, even for years. An they may subsequently be rather awful mothers, too. But that doesn't mean that he has to be a hero --- women like that tend to choose very similar men, so if her next bf was an abusive lout, the first one might well have been., too.
Under ordinary circumstances, with an ordinary father, 15 or even earlier is fine for meeting up with him. But if this guy was a child abuser, and abused your mom too, then 99 would be too young to meet up with such a despicable guy. And if it is true, then I can fully understand your mom telling you, as she would have good reasons for fearing that you, too, might be abused if you met up with him.
Every wondered why your dad has apparently never tried to contact or see you ?
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