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13 Dec 2012

Wedding- No issue, just advice please?
Hi CS and readers! This isn''t a shrinky issue at all, I just really need advice and am hoping I can get some from the CS community. Sadly, the forums haven''t been the same since they changed the format and you actually have to be registered to post there.

So, I have been with my fiancé  for 8 years. Formally engaged for two years, I am tired of it and actually want to get married. However, the last three years have been horrifically expensive years for us (scammed out of R30+k, scar issues amounting to over R40k, it''s never ending). We do not earn that much, we are in our mid 20''s and are still busy working on our careers, and are actually in quite a bit of debt. Unfortunately, my family is not is any position to help pay, and his family quite frankly don''t like me so WON''T help pay.

However, we have our dreams and although we said that when we have money again, we''ll use it to put down a deposit on a house instead of a big wedding, we do still want a small, nice wedding. I do NOT want a court wedding, nor do I want a shotgun wedding at a family members house (like my sister had).

I really need some tips... I am working on NO budget, but really want to get this done in 2013.

We had our guest list at over 80 people (just family and close friends) but after doing some working and thinking, I have managed to cut it down to 63 (after all, why does my step sister that I never see need to bring a guest? Why does my cousin that is with a new guy every two months need to bring the partner she happens to be with at that time? Why should I invite my aunt and uncle that I last saw at a family function three years ago?)

I have decided to go for a garden wedding, the venue is just cheaper, and as they say on the internet, you don''t need to spend a lot on decor as the garden is decor enough.

I will also do it in a winter month (beginning May or end July, when it is not the heart of winter), maybe on a Monday for extra discount.

I have a friend who is a make-up artist who will do that for free, and another friend who is a professional photographer who will charge me half price. My sister bakes really well (not professionally, but she really goes all out and they look really good) so she will be making the cupcakes (I have decided to go for cupcakes instead of a big cake).

I will do the invites myself, my fiancé  used to work at one of those printing shops so we can print good quality one''s for a cheaper price.

Wedding rings... I''m not picky at all, and would prefer NOT to spend thousands on a diamond ring, so I''m perfectly happy with a cubic zirconia that costs no more than R500.

I am thinking of a smart casual theme, so I won''t spend thousands on a dress. I can buy a very pretty, girly dress at any store, maybe on account. Same for the suit (my fiance has no fancy clothes). My sisters are my bridesmaids, they are happy to buy their own dresses. My fiance''s friend have suits, I saw them all wearing them at the last wedding we went to so his groomsmen are sorted.


Is there anywhere else where we can cut down?

Thank you so much. :)
Answer 331 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Wow, I wish I could claim 80 "close friends" ! Or maybe you have an enormous family ... But it sounds as though you have used very sensible criteria to cut it down. Too many people are keen on the free lunch rather than caring about the couple. You sound eminently sensible. I am concerned about the rapid growth of the Bridezilla Syndrome, where women are encouraged ( in ways that greatly profit others ) to become monstrously self-obsessed for the duration of the wedding planning and ceremony, "princessed" to the point of bankruptcy, and then suddenly unimportant for the rest of the duration of their marriage.
It reminds me of the Potlatch ceremony among some American Indian tribes, where a family showed off how wealthy they were by throwing a lavish party where they displayed expensive possessions like a terrific canoue, and then smashed and burned it in front of the guests, to show that they could aford to do so.
How nice rto focus on clothes than can be usefully and pleasantly worn again, rather than a confextion that spends the next 40 years in a cupboard.
Sounds like brilliant planning on your side, and I haven't spotted anything you've ignored.
Presumably modest, natural flowers perhaps from your own gardens ? And why can't we just sit on the plastic chairs without draping them in complex cloth, and enjoy the venue without draping it in miles of sheeting ?

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