Ask an expert

12 Feb 2009

what am I doing wrong?
Here' s the scenario. I' m 30, petite, curvy and fairly attractive. I am very sensuous, and graceful (I' m a dancer). My problem is my man... I try and try to initiate lovemaking, and he' s just not interested! He' ll get an erection, then he' ll brush me off... I' m worried that he' s just not into me anymore. I don' t just show him how I love him when I want to make love, I touch, hug, kiss and caress him often, and flirt and flatter, and am generally very affectionate. He just doesn' t seem interested. He doesn' t show much affection, except when I' m leaving to go to my house and he' s trying to get me to stay, or if I' m upset with him. When he wants to make love (he doesn' t call it love, he just calls it sex), it' s usually when he comes to bed (he comes to bed late, as he' s unemployed and stays up late watching tv) and I' m asleep, then I get groped (boobs and bum grabbed) and I' ll usually tell him no, I' m sleeping (maybe this is wrong of me? but I have to get up early for work and don' t sleep well). He never tries to initiate sex at any other time, and isn' t interested when I do... I can' t even remember the last time we made love. On the rare occassion we do, it' s clothes off, on top, bang bang bang, as though he doesn' t know I have a body apart from a fanny, and as though he wants it over with as soon as possible. Is it possible he' s not interested in me? Maybe he' s looking for someone else? He accusses me of hiding things, lying about seeing other men, but I' m faithful to him and wouldn' t dream of it. He gets upset when I sms my mom or girlfriends, saying I' m chatting guys up, when I stay at my place, he never wants to visit, and says he doesn' t trust me when I say I' m home alone.
What am I doing wrong? I love him so much, but I have sexual needs too.
Answer 331 views

01 Jan 0001

difficult to work out what is going on in his head. It is clear that there is a breakdown in the relationship on multiple levels. He is unemployed - is this recent? is there depression and loss of confidence from his side? Is alcohol involved? - I surmise depression - as unemployment can seriously reduce one's self esteem - and depression can severely affect both desire and performance. The fact that he gets an erection is no indication of his desire - it just a reflex - especially in younger men. His desire might come when it is not convenient for you. Additionally under these circumstances I presume he wants to be the one to initiate - if you initiate he could see it as undue pressure. If alcohol is involved of course everything gets considerably worse. A classical symptom of alcohol abuse is suspicion and constant blaming
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
Voting Booth
Have you entered our Health of the Nation survey?
Please select an option Oops! Something went wrong, please try again later.
33% - 9320 votes
67% - 18604 votes