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Question

12 Feb 2009

what am I doing wrong?
Here' s the scenario. I' m 30, petite, curvy and fairly attractive. I am very sensuous, and graceful (I' m a dancer). My problem is my man... I try and try to initiate lovemaking, and he' s just not interested! He' ll get an erection, then he' ll brush me off... I' m worried that he' s just not into me anymore. I don' t just show him how I love him when I want to make love, I touch, hug, kiss and caress him often, and flirt and flatter, and am generally very affectionate. He just doesn' t seem interested. He doesn' t show much affection, except when I' m leaving to go to my house and he' s trying to get me to stay, or if I' m upset with him. When he wants to make love (he doesn' t call it love, he just calls it sex), it' s usually when he comes to bed (he comes to bed late, as he' s unemployed and stays up late watching tv) and I' m asleep, then I get groped (boobs and bum grabbed) and I' ll usually tell him no, I' m sleeping (maybe this is wrong of me? but I have to get up early for work and don' t sleep well). He never tries to initiate sex at any other time, and isn' t interested when I do... I can' t even remember the last time we made love. On the rare occassion we do, it' s clothes off, on top, bang bang bang, as though he doesn' t know I have a body apart from a fanny, and as though he wants it over with as soon as possible. Is it possible he' s not interested in me? Maybe he' s looking for someone else? He accusses me of hiding things, lying about seeing other men, but I' m faithful to him and wouldn' t dream of it. He gets upset when I sms my mom or girlfriends, saying I' m chatting guys up, when I stay at my place, he never wants to visit, and says he doesn' t trust me when I say I' m home alone.
What am I doing wrong? I love him so much, but I have sexual needs too.
Answer 331 views
Expert
Sexologist
sexy

01 Jan 0001

difficult to work out what is going on in his head. It is clear that there is a breakdown in the relationship on multiple levels. He is unemployed - is this recent? is there depression and loss of confidence from his side? Is alcohol involved? - I surmise depression - as unemployment can seriously reduce one's self esteem - and depression can severely affect both desire and performance. The fact that he gets an erection is no indication of his desire - it just a reflex - especially in younger men. His desire might come when it is not convenient for you. Additionally under these circumstances I presume he wants to be the one to initiate - if you initiate he could see it as undue pressure. If alcohol is involved of course everything gets considerably worse. A classical symptom of alcohol abuse is suspicion and constant blaming
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