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21 Nov 2005

What do i do ???
I've been married to a wonderfull man now for 8 months now. He is everything a woman could want in a man. He cleans, he does washing. He does everything you ask without moaning. I have a son from a previous relationship. This is my second marraige. This is his third marraige. He has 3 kids from these two previous marraiges. I am now 4 1/2 months preganant with his fourth child. But as always there is a BUT ......

When i was about 5 weeks preganant we had this big fight and he said that i must rather just go to the clinic and get tablets to have the child brought down. He has only been to 2 dr visits, cause he is just to busy at work to take off to go with me. Since i been pregnant, there has not been a day he has asked me how i am feeling is their anything he can get me. I pay for my dr visits as we dont have a medical aid. I presume i will end up paying for our child's birth as well. I know the one time we had a fight he told me that he can not stand my son. Why i dont know. He is not naughty and he has manners. He is only 5. He sometimes shouts at him ANd he not doing anything wrong. My son is not hppy at home and is now scared of my husband. He has a 14 yr old son who always has some other -|- ie remarks to say about things, which i just ignore. Only because his father spoils him. He lives with us. When his other son comes to visit, my husband will buy things for him and nothing for my son. Like chips and so on.

My husband does not wear his wedding band anymore and does not tell me he loves me anymore. When i asked him yesterday does he love me, he just says: What has love got to do with it. Last month he went to a friends wedding without me. So now i have decided to leave him when our child is born. THere is just so many things about his past that he has lied to me about that is now coming up. THe fact that he does not have time for my son is another issue. I'd rather just get divorced and live alone with my kids. As much as i love him, my childrend come first. He has far to much baggage as well. I feel we r slowly driffting apart.

What do you think? Is it the right choice to leave him ????
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Sounds odd that he should have such negative attitudes to this pregnancy. With this attitude, and his hostility towards your son, why do you stay with him ? Aren't those dealbreakers ? You can hire someone to do the cleaning and washing, not to love your son as he deserves to be loved. He sounds as though he is becoming increasingly abusive, and this does not bode well for the future. leaving him could be a sensible decision, for the sake of you and the children --- but make sure he is tied by the court into paying adequate maintenance for the new child, and that he at least shares all the medical expenses of the pregnancy and delivery.
As Frusty says, have you discussed all this seriously with him ? And would he agree, even if only on your ultimatum, to join you in mariage counselling ?
You know, when your mesage started by saying that he was "everything a woman could want in a man", and yet that this was his third marriage, those two facts don't fit together.
Look after yourself and the children

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