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16 Nov 2004

What have I done to deserve this?
I need some proffesional advice please.... I have been married for 10 years, got married at the young age of 21 and have 2 beautiful children. I found out 11 months ago that my husband was having an affair. Today he is still keeping in touch with her even though he swears he doesn't see her at all. He does occassionaly get the opportunity to see her if he wanted to as he is in sales and frequently on the road. I packed my bags a few weeks ago and told him its over. I thought I would give it a last try as he really is a wonderful father to his kids, even though deep down I was afraid of going back. I found out recently he has still been in contact with her and he didn't deny it because he knows If I really want to I can check his phone accounts but in the same breath tells me they don't see each other. This is not the first time he has done this to me. I can probably name about 5 flings that he has had and that excludes the ones I don't know about. He has physically abused me and mentally abused me. Am I wrong for giving up? am I wrong for walking out? I keep holding on hoping he will change and "grow up" and I don't think he ever will. I don't believe a word he tells me anymore and I don't think I ever will again in my life. He has taken the last bit of self esteem that I have and pride and hurts me constantly. I think I deserve better, am I wrong for feeling this way?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Most of us don't deserve what we get, and don't get what we deserve. On balance, that's lucky for some, and unfortunate for others.
Sounds like he's doing a Bill Clinton ( remember President Clinton ? the lawyer who insisted he never had "sexual relations" with "that woman", bcause whatever sex he DID have with her, he didn't classify as "sexual relations". And it sounds as if your husband is insisting on claiming that he doesn't SEE this woman, as if he wears a blindfold, but apparently feeling free to be in contact with her by email, SMS, etc. And if there has ben abuse as well, who could blame you for giving up on him and leaving ? Some men never grow up, others barely manage it before reaching the Retirement Home. Of course you deserve better --- get a good lawyer, look after yourself and the children, and let him go on as he pleases.
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