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27 Jun 2011

What now??
I''ve been married for 24 years to a wife who feels me wanting sex and her not wanting sex, is my problem and not hers. 2 years ago I met up with a woman that went to school with me. She''s been married for 24 years as well. We clicked immediatly and it was as if it was when we last saw each other 25 years ago. Distance was the problem at the time. My wife and her husband found out about us and they went APE!! They do not want us to divorce. We decided to give our marriages another go. I told my wife that if all was fine, maby this would not have happened. She says she won''t feel guilty because she did nothing wrong. So on we must go in a friendship marriage instead of a LOVE marriage. Am I just a convienience husband, because I feel no real love from my wife, but she wants to cling on. HELP!!
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

ANY difficulties wihin a marriage, about sex or indeed anything else, is the problem of BOTH spouses, affects both, both need to be involved in finding solutions, and both benefit from doing so. Your wife sounds awfully eager to insist that nothing is her fault or even her responsibility, which is unfortunate. "giving marriage another go" is usuualy doomed unless the couple work with a professional marriage counsellor to ensure that proper work is done with a real chance of solving problems. She is not entitled to nsist that you must accept a sexless and apparently loveless marriage simply because that i convenient for her. If she sincerely will join in marriage counselling, with a poper chance of solving problems, and agreees and accepts that he aversion to sex is an essential part of that agenda, maybe things can be done. If she rules that out, there'd be no point in wasting time trying.
If that is the case, then rather proceed with divorce, which would leave you free to form a new relationship with a less selfish person, and would leave her free to seek a relationship with someone prepared to accept it on her strict terms.
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