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18 Mar 2003

what should i do about my mother
hi, I need your advise. I am almost 20 years old and have been out school for 2 years now. The problem is my mother. She still treats me as though i were sixteen and not at all like an adult capable of making my own decisions. A few years ago her over protectivness and degrading remark made me consider suicide. I really dont want to get to that stage again but she is making me so unhappy. I hate living at home and just wish i could move out. My mom seems to think however that i have to 21 for it to be legal. She is also hypocritical and wouldn't let me house sit 5min away for a friend but was quite willing to let me go to England at the beginning of the year. She treats me as though i wouldnt survive 2 min in the "real world" but she doesnt even give me chance to take little steps in that direction first. What is her problem? I feel like im a prisoner in my own home. I cant talk to my mom because she always shouts me down. Ive tried everything and she doesnt want to listen to anything i say. I cant stand it anymore! What can i do?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Check on the issue of "legality" -- I rather doubt that at your age she'd have much success in applying legal sanctions if you moved out -- especially if you were behaving responsibly, either a student or working, and staying in a decent place you could afford, or sharing with other young women. And what about going to England ?
Some parents, especially moms, find it excessively difficult to let go, and to allow their children to become independent ; and by being over-protective, instead of making your life safer, may actually endanger it by not allowing you to get enough experience at personal autonomy and responsibility.
What do other readers think ?
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