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19 Feb 2013

What to do?
I got to a point in my relationship that I don''t know what I should do. It started 18 months ago and we''ve been living together for 7 months now. We really love each other and we''re loyal and honest with each other. However, this relationship is emotionally draining for both of us. We have intense feelings but we also fight and cry for hours at least twice a week. Especially since I followed him to a new country because he got a job here, things have been getting worse. We knew I''d had trouble finding a job without speaking the language and he was ok with it. But now when we fight he uses my unemployment against me. He says maybe I''m only with him because I''m afraid to sleep on the street. But it makes no sense and it hurts me because he knows I had not one job but two good jobs back home and I wasn''t rich but I was perfectly independent. Now I have my savings and buy food, but I don''t pay rent (because he said I don''t need to - probably so that he can use this against me and threaten to throw me out). I find it unfair. I know he would never throw me out, but just saying it hurts. Now, other things that bother him immensely are my not always good health and the fact that I am the most boring person he knows. I already told him that if I am so boring and others are better, he should go with them but he says nobody else would care for him as much as I do, so he prefers me. He likes to flirt with other women too, which he''s honest about but it bothers me. And there is at least one woman who is the perfect woman in his mind. She doesn''t want a romantic relationship but he decided to hide our relationship from her just in case, and then she found out and there was a lot of drama involved. I feel he doesn''t love me for who I am. He often doesn''t respect me. I know it''s true I''m boring and do stupid things sometimes but I care about him and try to support him. What should I do?
Answer 212 views

01 Jan 0001

Its really unusual for a loving couple to spend hours a week fighting and weeping. Moving to a new country is more stressful than people expect, and you leave behind at home your usual supportive and helpful people. He doesn't sound as though he in any way understands your difficult situation which was CAUSED by his decision to go to work in another country and ask you to come and be with him.
You didn't choose to become dependent on him our of wishing to be difficult, and you didn't choose to have health problems. And how did you suddenly become so boring ? He found you fascinating before, and now suddenly that's boring ?
And now he's flirting with other women, too ?
I think you need to consider leaving him, as he really doesn't sound as though he cares for you enough, and return to your own home countryh and family. Is marriage / couples counselling available where you are ? Would he agree to take part with you ?
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