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25 Feb 2003

WHAT TO DO.....UPSET
Hi Doc
On Sunday evening I saw my ex, and him and I agreed that we were better off staying friends. Then the next day his cousin and I were on the phone and he told me my ex was acting all upset and said that I was trying to force him back into a relationship when he has clearly explained that he does not want me - what nonsense!!! - nothing was even said about a "relationship" I was the one who said that I did not want anything more than friendship. I dont know if he is trying to blow up his own ego or if he believes I am running after him. I am hurt, angry and confused that he would lie about me the way he does and apparently this is not the first time that he has spoken about how I "run" after him. I actually feel like cutting all contact with him again, but the last time I did that he was very worried about me not speaking to him (i.e me not calling, not visiting not having any contact what so ever) Yes he was stressing about it - yet he never made an effort to contact me - to me it seems like if and when I make contact it is an ego boost for him, he does not understand that I still concerned about him and he behaves as though I am lusting after him which I swear I am not doing, I only still care about him and his well being, he is making me hate his ways. Hoestly I want to tell him to f&#@! off and go to hell because he is being a pig, when I dont show concern he worries and sulks about me not loving and caring for him, when I do, I am running after him or forcing a relationship, what the hell is his problem? Doc help me, I have been doing so well and this just upsets me to the point that when I think about this I cry. I want to break my ties with him yet I dont want to lose my friendship with his cousin the problem is they share a flat. How do I maintain my friendship with his cousin wihtout ever having to see him again? I am such a stronger person but somehow he seems to be trying to "break" me. PLS HELP any advice would do.
Answer 383 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear sadeyes,
How to maintain a friendship with his cousin is probably a matter of geography, rather than psychology.
You are still allowing him to be far more important to you than he deserves. Why not cut off contact with him ? Maybe after simply and calmly telling him that you are weary of the times other people tell you that he has been telling them that you're still running after him, when you both know that this is not true. If he can't be bothered to try hard enough to be a true friend to you now, ater the breakup of the relationship, then maybe he needs to be een less than that ; and maybe you can declare a moratorium on contacts with him until ater he has got over this and found some other interest in his life, while leaving you free to get on with more fruitful aspects of your own life.
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