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19 Dec 2004

whats wrong
I have been dating this guy on the internet for almost eight months. We finally meet and was not what i was expecting. The guy told me that he was really disappointed with me and continued to add that although he did not love me he liked me very much . What makes me feel worse is that i slept with him and i hate myself for it. I have also decided not to date any young guy and i think i would prefer an elder guy maybe in their late 40's. I also feel like life has no meaning to me and honestly i feel really depressed. What should i do to go to my old self. I should mention that as a small girl i was raped and i have never mentioned this to anyone.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Yes, as you have discovered, it is usually folly to sleep with someone you hardly know. And to sleep with a man who says he is disappointed in you and does not love you ? What were you thinking ? But blaming yourself isn't useful or fair --- it was stupid. OK, let's move on, LEARNING from the experience so we won't ever be stupid in that way, again.
Life does have meaning, but you won't find it while pursing meaningless activities. Maybe to some extent you are still carrying with you faulty and unhelpful assumptions you made based on your earlier experience of rape, and which you can usefully free yourself from, by taking part in some serious counselling. Such early experiences, caused by the selfishness and cruelty of someone else, too often lead us to take responsibility for acts that are not our responsibility, and to expect to have to be sexual with someone when what one actually wants is friendship and support.
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