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13 Jul 2011

when to call it quits?
I have been married now for almost 4 years. Although we have had lots of trouble in the past, we kinda stuck it out. We went for counseling after about 6 months of marriage. Me and my wife have absolutely nothing in common. Even having a conversation is sometimes difficult because there is no similarities. I love her, or at least I think I do, I want what is best for her, and the only way of doing that is to lose a little of myself every day, and honestly I think it is hard for her too, although she will never admit it. In hindsight I cannot really pinpoint the reason we got married, maybe I can contribute it to being young and foolishly hasty. The question I have, is when do you call it quits, or do you just have to put head down and follow through on the commitment of marriage?
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Divorce support expert
Divorce support expert

01 Jan 0001

This is a really good question. Thank you for asking and for the challenge answering it.
People get together for many different reasons and people do grow and change constantly. When this happens in a relationship and people are growing apart, it is not a sign that something is wrong or that one of the party is doing something wrong, it usually is an indication that the 2 people involved, although brought together at one point are now finding that their personal growth is taking on separate path.
The importance is to recognise this when it is happening and acknowledge it and not blame anyone for it. When 2 people who are growing apart but so keep respect for one another, they are able to part on good terms, preserve the memories they created together and look forward to their future separately, but this requires emotional maturity.
Tell your wife what you have just posted. It is very well expressed and allow her to identify this as well. As to know what you should do, follow your heart.
Staying together for the wrong reasons will not contribute to either of you but if talking together refreshes why you got married, you will also know if it is worth staying together.

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