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14 Mar 2004

Where did the love go?
My first question is it completely possible for any human on this earth to wake up one day and say that the love that 2 people once shared is squashed, crushed and gone for ever?? I have dealt with cold people in my life but I do not find this possible. I have just broken up with my partner after being involved for 1 year. The reason the break up actually came about was because I made a huge mistake by writing off his car a couple weeks ago. A complete and utter mistake but the insurance will be paying out although the excess is going to be rather high as I am under the age of insurance basic standards. The other problem being that I did not completely get permission to take the car in the first place but figured that it would be okay as we were together for some time. Yes, the trust would definitely be broken and I know that I should have asked but at the end of the day I cannot change what has happened. I have ofcourse apologised 100 times, sent him sms's and sent him and apology e-mail but this has not helped. He was away at the time while I was in hospital for 1 day and a half he showed no concern what so ever. I left a couple messages on his phone and did not recieve a reply. He then replyed saying he would contact me once he was up, that being 4 days later. He did not contact me so I called and arranged a meeting. The verdict: he is angry and told me that I destroyed the love and could not trust me ever again. I have sinse receieved an sms to show a little more emoition and replyed by pouring my heart out with how I felt about him. We had decided that we need to sit down again and discuss how we are both feeling. I expected a call from him but still have not. The only reason I am expeting a call is because I have made all the effort to try and sit down and patch things up. Surely if he loved me in the first place there should have been some concern while I was at the hospital. I only broke my nose and had a black eye but I still feel that there should have been a little more support. I am a very analytical person and have looked at all the different levels of emmothions he could be feeling but I still dont agree with it. Am I the fool wanting to patch things up with him? Please could someone help me out with some intelligent and professional advice. Thanks
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear bh,
It's not likely that any genuine love would itself end so suddenly, though (a) someone might relatively suddenly realise that it had, and even more, (b) someone might suddenly decide to blurt it out, having been thinking about this for longer.
it does sound like you're not keen to take responsibility for your decisions and actions. Writing off a car is not a mistake, it's a disaster and usually due to sheer bad driving. And "I did not completely get permission to take the car in the first place but figured that it would be okay as we were together for some time" ? What you mean is that you were driving his car without his permission, and just assumed that he wouldn't mind ? I don't think it's highly materialist of him to be bothered by this event --- I can't imagine any car-owner who wouldn't be furious.
Maybe you can't change what happened ( though you do seem to take it very lightly ) but you can change what WILL happen. You seem to have expeced him to sym[pathize with you, though you show no sign of having truly sympathized with him ; and you seem to have expected him to rush to your side and accept your apologies without anger. I am amazd that someone with a mere broken nose and black eye would have been admitted to hospital at all, let alone for a day and a half --- sounds most odd. And not the sort of grievous injuries that one would expect the guy to rush to your bedside.
And don't do the "if he really loved me, he would have..." line of argument --- he could equally be saying that if you had really loved him, you wouldn't have driven his car without his conent, and smashed it to smithereens.
You describe yourself as a very analytical person, but all of your powers of analysis seem to be applied to him. You don't show much sign of sincere self-criticism or regret for your really bad decision and bad driving. Souldn't you, beneficially, spend a bit more time on self-analysis ?
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