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03 Feb 2004

why?
After assessing my situation, and requesting and taking advice from a number of people, including the wonderful people of this site, I finally had a family member of my husband, who is also a preacher/marriage councillor. come to my house last night. I opted to ask him to meet with us, as he is a family member, rather than talk to a stranger. But now I have my regrets.
As the meeting progressed, it seemed to me that he was being fair towards both of us, as my husband did no deny any of my “claims’, but then the table started to turn! After asking us if we were prepared to work on the marriage, my answer was no opposed to my husbands. When asked whether I loved my husband I did not hesitate to say no, but what does this man tell me: To work on the marriage “for the children’s sake”.
Ok the stuff he said made sense, but if you have tried for 10 or so years, how can you still try again? How can you try again after you tried to commit suicide twice a few years ago, and wanted to try again on Saturday? How can they ask you to “work on the marriage”, when you clearly stated you don’t love your husband anymore? Why should we stay together for the children’s sake, when the children are affected negatively while you are in the marriage? Do I stay in this marriage and be unhappy, depressed etc. for the rest of my life? OK my husband promised he will change, but for how long? We all know the saying a leopard never changes its spots, so why did I agree? I tell you why, because as my husband said yesterday, I like to do what people tell me to do. And boy he should know, as I always do what he wants me to do. So what is wrong with me?
Answer 403 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear SOS,
This isn't about "what's wrong with (you)". If you want to give it one more try ( and if your husband doesn't make the changes needed, and doesn't pull his weight, then his own family ought to recognize then where the problem lies ) --- you two would need, NOT a family member, who can hardly be unbiased, but a properly trained and neutral marriage counsellor ( eg via FAMSA ).
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