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15 Jan 2013

why cant i except it
i''m pregnant with my 3rd (unplanned) and to make things worst just found out that its another boy, i am so dissapointed i dont even have words, i cant stop crying.
and if i hear anyone saying that " just be happy, a baby is a gift or at least its healthy"  i''m going to scream.

i''m scared that i''m going to resent the baby because i dont want it and my hubby feels the same as me, we have thought of giving it for adobtion but i have mixed feelings about it.

so any help would be highly appreciated.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

I suspect many readers will feel shocked at a pregnant woman expressing such frank hostility towards an innocent foetus because its of the "wrong" sex. Of course it's not at all the child's fault that you have a possibly excessive desire to have a girl-child and not another boy. But of course I do understand your severe sense of disappointment.
Any pregnancy, of course, has a pretty even chance of producing boy or girl ; that goes with the territory. Its especially shocking that apparently BOTH you and your husband so adamantly don't want a boy that you both want to give it away. That might be better for the innocent child than to be resented by parents obsessed with wanting to have a girl.
Except in the rare instance of failure of properly used contraception, pregnancy ought to occur only when the parents want to have a child.
One cannot demand that the child be of one or other sex. I would worry that your resentment might spill over towards your other two boys.
I strongly suggest, for your own sake and that of your children, that you and your husband jointly and urgently see a psychologist for counselling, to come to terms with this event, to avoid making hasty and bad decisions, and to get your wishes and feelings back into more reasonable balance.
And another tip, avoid using even to yourself words that push you in an unhelpful direction. Don't keep telling yourself that "I can't accept it" as this will unnecessarily and unhelpfully make it far harder to reach any sort of solution. Rather say to yourself " I find it mighty hard to accept this, at this stage: or some similar wording that at least doesn't refuse to allow for the possibility of acceptance.
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