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05 Feb 2009

Why do I hang on
In the past 14 years I was in 2 relationships, the first relationship lasted 11 years and the other 3 years. I was physically, mentally and emotionally abused in both relationship. I took all the abuse and then one day I just cracked and left, however it takes a while for me to give up and I give the other person chances to change and they never do. I have been seeing a psychologist for the past 2 years but I still continue to make the wrong choices. For the past 2 months I have been dating someone and in plain terms he treats me badly, he emotionally and verbally abuses me. I know that this is too early in a relationship and that I should give up, but I have fear of letting go because I always end up alone (I have no friends or family where I am as they are all in other cities). He tells me that I am an emotional freak. How do I break the cycle and move on with my life, because thats what I really want to do. I dont want to contact him anymore, and feel that its time to move on and give all relationships a miss. Why am I hanging on to something that is clearly not working and causes me more pain than happiness. I just want to let go and be alone....
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Its very impotant to work with a therapist both to recover from these awful experiences, and to prepare to be open to pleasant relationships, while never opening yourself to abuse again. Its a nice feature of chaacter to give other people a chance to change, but only if there is a realistic chance of them wanting to change and being capable of doing so, and not if you wait a year of more for the miracle to occur.
You are always better off alone than with an abuser. Let go of this guy before the abuse gets worse. Don't be so scared to be alone, and then you won't be so desperate as to give any other abuser the chance. See a counsellor / therapist ( POWA or some similar group could recommend someone suitable, as could FAMSA ) and free yourself from this bad habit of enabling abusers, and rather be open to sustaining relationships
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