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28 Jul 2010

Withdrawn hubby
Dear CyberShrink,
My lover is extremely withdrawn to the extend that it drives me crazy. I''m trying to be calm at all times, but find myself building up the anger inside me and than explode. He doesnt talk to me, doest initiate a conversation and most of the time we watch tele than I cook than before we go to bed we watch the series " Friends"  (laugh ourselves sick without talking) and then go to sleep, saying 5 words to each other the whole day. I''m naturally a bubbly and fun-loving person (cancer) and he is wrapped up in his own world (scorpio). I dont understand why he does not share things with me. It''s not as if I dont know he''s married (his wife lives in another country) He says they''re jst married on paper. He doenst hve pics of her, she doesnt visit him or vice versa, I dont even know what her name is. I knw that she wants a baby, bt he does''nt...Makes me think he doesnt knw what he wants. He never made any promises to me..he doesnt believe in love, but loves my company.

All I want is for us to enjoy each other, but he sulks alot and i have tried talking about the problem, but always end up fighting. I try initiating conversations, or pretend all is well, or doing outdoor stuff...It''s like pulling teeth just to start a conversation. I''m becoming uncomfortable around him, I dnt knw what to say to him anymore. I''m starting to feel depressed and cant take it anymore. I have this feeling he''s hiding something from me. I only want us to have a good time together. I know it wont be forever, nothing lasts forever, bt just to make the most of what we have now. We''ve known each other for a year.
I even think mayb something is wrong with me, but I realy dont knw wher the problem is. Can you please help me.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

I'm a bit puzzled here. Presumably you are describing his personality - the way he is. You even declare this to be a characteristic pattern of him by labelling him a Scorpio. Then, if you love him, why can't you accept him as he is ? Its like saying : "I adore him - if only he didn't have red hair or need glasses." And if you understand this as typical of a Scorpio, or whatever personality pattern he has, why do you find it hard to understand why he's like that, and not bubbly like you ?
I understand being bothered if your bubbly friend suddenly stops bubbling. That's different. This is like saying "I love champagne - but I can't stand all those bubbles". That's just how champagne is.
Then there is the issue that this is an affair with a married man. But it sounds as though his relationship with his wife isn't more bubbly than what he has with you. It really doesn't sound like he's hiding anything in particular.
Does he perceive any sort of problem of the sort that apparently bothers you ?


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